Lower Your Weapons… But You Don’t Have To Let Go
Lower Your Weapons. That’s what my tantra coach told me the other day. My first response was “what the hell are you talking about”? My normal mode of being on this planet is very male-oriented. I can shut off my emotions so quick I haven’t even noticed. I can say this has been a problem in some of my relationships in the past and I’ve resolved to make a shift to the brighter side of the force. So I decided to give it a try.
I have BIG MALE energy but moving into the feminine side can be a challenge. So the idea of “lowering my weapons” sounds not only strange but kind of dangerous.
She (my coach) told me a story of a conversation with her former other about some kid stuff. She set her intention of lowering her weapons (being defensive) and just having a conversation about some information she needed to have. Remarkably, for the first time, she was able to have a civil conversation and the exchange was concluded without incident.
Yang (male) energy is that black/white, off/on, right/wrong style of energy that currently pervades our planet. You can see at a glance what it does to our society, education, finances and the list goes on. It has its place but anything in excess can be too much and cause imbalance.
Yin (female energy) is soft, inclusive, and collaborating energy that I believe we need more of, particularly men. We (men) get so locked into the fight. Who is winning with no way of knowing that if we do win the earth has been scorched and no one can live there anymore or at least for a while? Is this really the way you want to be in the world?
Give It Try
So I decided to give this a whirl for the next 50 years or so. I have been meditating and doing some trance work with the idea of lowering my weapons in mind. I’ve noticed that I’m calmer, more open but I still feel a little bit of trepidation (okay, sometimes a lot) from time-to-time. Old habits, I suppose. You have to give people the opportunity to notice that things are different. We all want to feel loved, honored, appreciated, etc., but are we also extending that love and appreciation out to others?
Ask someone you know and trust to let you know when your wall goes up (defenses). I have employed several people I know and respect to, in essence, call me out when I’m being a d#ck and have stopped listening. Imagine that you have your weapons of mass destruction and feel yourself lower them to the ground. You don’t have to let go but you can definitely feel the shift in your body.
Here’s An Exercise
Think about someone you wish to have a conversation or interaction with, that in the past, hasn’t gone so well. Set your intention to lower your weapons and just talk. Be sure to listen to what they have to say as well and if you feel your walls going up… breathe. If they are already up… lower them if only a little.
1. Tell the person what you are thinking
Be open and honest about your thoughts and make sure that you remain respectful and civil during the process. No one likes being yelled or cursed at. Be as clear as possible about your thoughts without blaming or making someone else wrong for having opposing thoughts.
2. Tell the person what you are feeling
Take a moment and really feel whatever it is that you are feeling. Is it Shame? Guilt? Fear or anger? what is the name of this emotion? Where do you feel it in your body? What would happen if you allowed yourself to feel that?
3. Thank the person for listening
It isn’t necessary for you to get an agreement or for the other person to change their position. It is necessary that you speak YOUR TRUTH as about you, your feelings and your place on this planet.
Here’s Another Way
Not all exercises are relevant in all contexts. Here’s a quick way of doing the above exercise on the fly in any context.
If you feel like you have been wronged, slighted or unheard, try this.
Say these words…
When you …….. (fill in behavior)
I feel…………….. (fill in emotion)
Because……….. (state reason or thinking)
I need………….. (state what you want or need)
This doesn’t mean that person will give you what you asked for but it does mean that you have stated your reasons for your request. Have a position of expectation. This process works really well in almost any situation.
Need Some Help?
If you need some help with this exercise or just have a few questions
just call 214-702-3774 or email me any time