What Happens When You Get What You Want?
Get What You Want? Sounds simple, right? But What Happens When You Get What You Want? In a perfect world, you would begin to watch the unicorns dancing on the lawn while having to order another mattress to store all your money or would you? Many people know exactly what they don’t want and some know what they do, but what happens AFTER you get it?
In 20 plus years of hypnosis and coaching, I have had 2 clients who told me ALL OF THER GOALS HAD BEEN COMPLETED. Today, I have added a person to that list to make it, 3 persons. I was talking to a coaching client this morning who is having serious difficulty being motivated. We all have our off days and this client is having off months. What’s the solution here?
This client has had an interesting life. Humble beginnings, a tumultuous childhood, and the story finishes-off with her having her own business, making a good living, having an awesome partner, etc. So what’s the problem?
The issue here is she has finally moved all of the negative naysayers and toxic people out of her life. You may be asking, “how is this a problem?”. For some it wouldn’t be a problem, but what if you have spent your entire life fighting for permission? Or space to live on this planet? We all have different motivation strategies and this client’s motivation strategy is “OH YEAH, WATCH THIS”. It is a move-away-from strategy with a twist. As long as she has someone to fight with or to show that she was right, she’s golden. NOw that she has no one to fight with, she finds herself floating without any real purpose.
I would also like to point out that this strategy isn’t either bad or good. Whatever it is that motivates us is just fine, as long as you know about it and use it to your best advantage. When you don’t use your most preferred strategy is when the problems arise.
There are 4 pillars to getting what you want AND knowing what to do after you get that. It might take you a day or so to work through this process but I promise you it will be worthwhile
1st Pillar – Well-formed Outcome
Know exactly what you want. There is actually a process for this call the well-formed outcome. Just follow these steps or you can download this form and print to make it easier.
What do you want?
What do you really want? What does it look like? Sound like? Feel like? (you can add smell and taste) Take a few minutes and really let your imagination run wild. This process is important. If you find yourself naysaying about abilities or capabilities, read this article on the Disney Method.
When do you want this?
When do you want this goal or dream? Most people say today or yesterday, but when do you want to see this goal completed? Also, consider when you don’t want this goal? Holidays, special events, before your divorce? Think about it.
How will you know when you have it?
What evidence will you have that this goal is complete or at least well on it’s way to completion? If your goal is BIG, you may want to break it into pieces so the steps will be easier to track. For example, if you wish to go back to grad school, there may be several intermediate steps, like passing the GMAT, before you can plan the rest of the goal.
Use your 5 senses to plan around how you will know when you have your goals completed.
What’s stopping you from having this now?
This is the step most people ignore or avoid. It requires you to take a real look at yourself, your living arrangements or style and you may have to evaluate the people in your life. This is the step that I use to tell what changes my clients need in order to get what they want.
2nd Pillar – Motivation Strategy
Are you motivated Towards Pleasure or Away From Pain? The short answer is if you turn up the pain high enough we all move away from it. But in general, more people move away from the pain that you realize. The pain may be changing from what is familiar to something unknown.
Think about how you make decisions about what you are going to do? Are you considering all the fun and success that you will have? Or are you thinking about what will have to be done first so you can undertake this adventure?
Think it over and choose carefully. My best advice is to use both away from and towards as a propulsion system so you get all of the aspects. Which one you think about first will tell you how your motivation strategy is wired.
3rd Pillar – The Life Wheel
Very few people think about how their new goal or dream is going to impact or affect the other areas of their lives as if one context of your life is completely separate from all the others, IT ISN’T.
Here’s a Life Wheel form to download. This form is simple. Just make which areas of your life you are satisfied in and which you are not on a scale of 0 to 10. It may be surprising to you which areas of your life are or have been completely ignored. Like my client, above, who hasn’t been on a vacation, since she can’t remember when.
4th Pillar – Working Styles
There are 3 distinct working styles and the really fun part is they are generally contextual. Many people who are independent in on context are completely unable to react the simplest goal in another context. none of these styles are good or bad you just need to know what working style you are in the context of your goal.
The Working Styles:
An independent working style is a person who needs no help in doing something in a specific context. In fact, if you try to help them it either, slows them down or annoys them.
Most people are proximity working styles. This means you are responsible for your work and someone can be in your space or above or below you in a hierarchy. This is reason so many self-employed people office at a building rather than form home. The people in the building give them the needed proximity to complete tasks. There are lots of variations of this style.
Cooperative working style people need to be on a team. Without the consistent interaction and team mind, they are unable to complete the simplest task. Taking a cooperative person who does well on a team and putting them in charge is what we call the Peter Principle. It’s a HUGE mistake to do this to a cooperative person.
Get Started Today
We all have things we want or wish to achieve. My final thoughts are if you have the desired goal; make sure that you plan what’s going to have next AFTER this goal is completed. Like up to 5 years after it’s completion. An extreme example of this is watching a young couple plan their marriage. It’s all about the wedding day. If that couple spent a whole year planning the 50 years perhaps there might be fewer divorces. Just saying.
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